Seven ideas about leadership that feel most true
I have been thinking a lot about ingredients for good leadership as I work with a coaching client on his own healthy leadership evolution. I thought I would take on the intimidating task of distilling some thoughts on this vast and complex topic into a post.
Becoming an effective leader is a topic way too large for a person to “just figure it out” within the confines of a career-span without a lot of lucky mentoring moments and well-timed words/advice too. But, flipped around, leadership is a learned skill that solidly eludes too much advice-taking and business-book learning with its relentless demand for situational nuance.
Turns out, we all need a LOT of experience combined with lucky and well-timed advice to advance our own leadership abilities.
So here are a few thoughts on the topic in hopes that these words might help others in the “well-timed advice” category (just as many writings and helpful words have encouraged me in my own leadership evolution).
Leadership principles that feel most true:
Leadership has absolutely nothing to do with title or position.
Leadership is about how you hold yourself and your relationship with those around you. Titles are rarely "forward leaning" and are usually in response to demonstrated impact. The next time you feel you have no influence in a given situation (less seniority, less popular position, new kid on the block) remember this...YOU DO. And it has nothing to do with your seniority (or lack thereof). Leadership is about human relationships (building them) and using your voice to enact change while still making people feel heard and important.
Leadership has less to do with ‘being right’ and more to do with getting to ‘right.’
We all admire the person in the room who seems to have the right answer most of the time. And sure, discernment and forecasting ability is an amazing talent. But real leadership is not about being right (though that will happen a fair share of the time). Leadership is about setting aside the ego that screams “get credit, look smart!” and instead yields to subtler voice to elicit greatness from others to help the collective gain. This is especially true for those who have people reporting to them — but holds for us all.
The true sign of a leader is how much they humbly (truly) reflect/deflect credit back on those who generated the good ideas and work.
No individual is as mighty as the unified group. Again, leadership is about keeping 99% of your ego (insecurities) in check and making sure that the people who generated the pivotal ideas or helped push forward to successful outcome get the credit. Note: be careful here… this has to come from a genuine sense of appreciation for the efforts of others or it can sound hollow and nothing erodes trust like fake praise.
Trust is the currency of leadership.
Trust is the most important asset you can amass in your career. The thing about trust is that it only gets built on truth. If someone gains trust of others by lying, misrepresenting or cheating, it will always out in the end. I may be voicing too much of my own philosophical belief here but I have also seen this principle in action too many times to doubt it. Trust is hardest-won but is the only thing that people will truly follow and believe in (leadership in action). Your word is your bond. Learn to tell hard truths (respectfully) when obstacles block you or the team from your best work. Speak up respectfully and tactfully but directly. Most of all, look hard at yourself when no one else is watching — do this in your personal and professional life, both. Do you like what you see? If so, others will sense your integrity.
Good leaders learn to read the room and hold themselves accountable for outcomes of their actions.
Diplomacy gets a bad rap as fluffery but real diplomacy (truth, well-timed and spoken in a way that does not shut people down) is vital. Good leaders learn about political capital and spend it wisely. And good leaders make it a point to know the impact of their actions and words in 360-degrees. Did you just shut down a new employee (accidentally) in your attempt to raise an important topic with someone else in a meeting? Did you just criticize the actions of an employee in a group setting because you are short on time or energy to double back with them privately? I am weary of the “you can’t make everyone happy” indifference that seniority can sometimes elicit. There is no excuse for rudeness or asshole behavior, no matter what your title. Leaders learn to read the room and take responsibility for the long-tail impact of their actions. They are constantly learning and evolving and not afraid to apologize or course-correct.
Fear-led companies are most in need of real leadership.
Said in reverse, fear-led companies are created because of a gap in real leadership. That does not mean that to be effective omelet makers, you don’t have to break a few eggs (you do). But those who “lead” with fear tactics or indifference to the trail of woe they leave behind them will simply be less effective over the long run than those who lead with respect, kindness and build genuine loyalty of their people. CEOs who lead with an iron fist will eventually see that style backfire in a large and usually public way. Managers who "boss" people around will eventually be asked to leave (trust me, I’ve fired really effective people because they rub the rest of the team the wrong way). Sure, we can all think of exceptions to this rule but in my experience, the arc of real leadership is long and bends toward kindness. (And kind does not mean soft... it means real.)
Learn to speak, write and present well.
Find your own genuine voice…no need to sound like everyone else (please don't). But no one reaches peak impact without being able to present your thoughts effectively. Practice it. Ask for feedback after every presentation or meeting. Get candid input from those who see you operate regularly. Sure, it is painful to hear negative things but being open to feedback honestly given is critical to being better at your craft. Iteration/feedback/iteration/feedback is a critical part of building something that matters. You are your own product. Get good at being you at your most effective.
The throughline for all of these ideas on leadership is easy to say but difficult to master: to be a great leader, you have to get really good at bringing out the best in other people, lifting them up and setting your ego aside relentlessly. Setting your ego aside is the weight and responsibility of real leadership. Look around— it is in short supply. But you never forget the people you encounter that exude real leadership. I cannot think of anything more worthy of a career’s crowning achievement than this.
